Kittlen and I are having a communication breakdown.
Part of that is down to us having less time to spend together in Second Life. She has to work doing deliveries in order to earn enough money to support herself and her kids. I need to work to improve my mental health and move my life forward. I also need regular sleep as part of that. So we’re increasingly only in touch via Discord. And even there, it’s fraught with difficulty. She doesn’t want to dump on me because she knows I find it overwhelming at times. And I don’t really want to distract her when she’s driving.
Then there are the other tensions between us. Her need to be dominated by me, in more ways than I’m able to provide. My exasperation when she responds to my attempts to move her forward with negativity. Her desire to please me, even when I don’t need pleasing. My need to start focussing on healing myself for the first time in years.
I’m writing this because I want Kittlen to know that if I can’t help her in all the ways she’d like, I can at least inspire her to keep going by my achievements. And they’re so many.
I started doing an extra show on Sundays on Gorean Whip Radio.
I arranged two Whip shows from Gorean sims, despite not being Gorean, and was accepted and even praised for my music and entertainment.
I’m working through a six-week course for Dominants over at A Place To Meet in Second Life, learning lots of new things about D/s and being encouraged that I can be my own kind of Dominant.
I did two shows from the 2019 Second Life Sci-Fi Convention by myself, as well as a joint broadcast with Kittlen.
I did a 1-hour DJ set at SL16B, and nailed it, despite my nerves and despite it being well past when I normally head to bed.
I’m forcing myself to brainstorm and work out my life purpose.
Maybe I can’t be sexual with Kittlen. But I can be sensual with her, and comforting, and reassuring.
Maybe I can’t be rough with Kittlen. That just means that I’ll have to find other ways to get her to complete the tasks I set her.
Maybe I can’t heal all of her wounds. But I can work on giving her the courage and perseverance to get those wounds treated.
Maybe I won’t be able to travel to Canada to visit her this year. When I’m in a position to, I will. I promise.
Around the time I was finalising my previous blog post, the shit well and truly hit the fan. Kittlen threw Penalt out of their home. Then she left a message in the family group telling them to protect me and left. She also left YouMustObey, removed all of her stuff from my land parcel in Second Life, and un-collared herself from me on there too.
Coming in rapid succession, I was walloped and left reeling for a while. Thankfully, other family members reached out to check on and comfort me.
The problems between Kittlen and Penalt had been brewing for a long time, but Coyote’s actions brought it to the boil. The last straw had been her collaring of Penalt without warning or consultation. Kittlen flipped out and told Penalt he had to choose between her and Coyote. He decided to pick Coyote. Continue reading “Separated”
Real life seems intent on throwing more curveballs at me. My mother had a breast scan which revealed the early stages of cancer. She opted for a mastectomy over minor surgery plus radiotherapy. So I’ve had to take out more time to support my terminally ill father while she recovers. As a result means that I’ve had to scale back my online time, which affects my ability to interact with Kittlen.
There is another curveball that I want to discuss. One that came at both Kittlen and myself several months ago, and whose effects we are both still dealing. This one has a name—Coyote. Continue reading “The Trickster”
Second Life is celebrating its 15th birthday (SL15B) at the moment. As part of that, it has been running a week of music events running across several areas. And my Kittlen was not only one of those invited to perform, but subsequently did several fill-in slots for others who couldn’t make it. I am so proud of her! Not only did she kick ass, but she worked with the support staff and other artists to help things run smoothly. 🙂
This last week, at Unity’s prompting, I’ve been busy with real life. In particular, those aspects of real life that I can sort out and make less stressful. It has been reasonably successful but has meant that I’ve had less time to play with Kittlen in Second Life.
Being Kittlen’s dominant can feel at times like being on a roller-coaster ride. Kittlen has a lot of emotional and health issues to contend with, which impacts on her moods and behaviour in various ways. On top of that, she has two teenage children and one tween, which can affect her mood. Then there are the body memories, the traumas of her past.
I’m back up and running again, after a week of living off of my smartphone and tablet. Also, my 2011 iMac is still in the repair shop, and I’ve had to resort to buying a new model so I could start working again. (I’m self-employed, and having a working machine plus my data and apps is a must.) Continue reading “Onwards and Upwards!”
The year is drawing to a close, and it is time to look back and reflect.
I have changed a lot this year, in self-realisation, growth and achievement. At the start, I was still submissive, but beginning to explore the world of dominance with members of my D/s family. And now, that dominance has grown and matured, with the help of my girl Kittlen. 🙂
Kittlen’s former dom resurfaced last Thursday. Ezee hasn’t been on Second Life or FetLife for months. He made a few brief appearances on Facebook and Twitter, which I know about because both Kittlen and Coyote reported this to me.