About That Guy Whose Collar I Used To Wear…

A bittersweet post, this one.

Recently, my friend Kolie got in touch with me again, after an absence of a year. For those who don’t know, both she and I subbed to [REDACTED] for much of 2015. The reason you didn’t know is that my Owner commanded me to remove that person from my mind.

Kolie (not her real name, but the one she uses in Second Life) got hurt by [REDACTED]. She was the impetus for my removing my collar and leaving him. She had needed therapy to get over her treatment and the abuse from an ex-partner before that. My eyes finally opened to the fact that he was no Master at all. He liked to prey on submissives for his gratification.

It is ironic, my not being a real-life female (spoiler alert!) spared me from the worst of his mind games. But I’d stood by while a succession of other subs came and went. Either because they stopped showing up or because he cast them aside for ‘failing’ him. He did, though, take full advantage of my desire to please. He made me his club manager, but in reality, I just a dogsbody, doing all the work while he took the credit. To the point where I suffered a major burnout and had to stay off of Second Life for a week. By agreement, I reduced my ‘work’ time. And it was shortly after that that I finally put the pieces together.

Kolie stopped coming online. [REDACTED] told me she was a dopehead, that I should forget about her. But then Kolie got in touch with me by email, and the truth came out. She was romantically involved with him for a while. But he’d gotten upset when she told him that she wouldn’t move until her daughter came of age. She created a different Second Life avatar and used that to get him to admit the truth. That he was only interested in sex, not love.

I confronted him with this in my resignation letter. He played the victim, claiming I was falling for lies. But I could now see the truth. All the others he’d used. Coffee, Sarah, the previous managers. All the dancers and slaves he’d enticed. Not to mention Anna, whom he’d married in Second Life and whom I was Maid of Honour to, and he’d met and had sex with in real life. But Anna suffered the worst of all. A miscarriage. Severe blood loss. A tumour discovered shortly after and removed. And finally, abandonment when she needed support.

I lost touch with Anna, Coffee, Sarah, the others. I do not know what became of them. I do know that both Kolie and I are in a much better place now mentally. We’ve both resolved to move on with our lives.

I’m not sure if there’s a moral to this post. Writing this is a means of removing this memory once and for all. Submission is a gift earned, and not given. Domination is easy but does not make you a Dominant. And there is no shame in walking away from someone who only cares for their pleasure.

Finally, my thanks to all my YMO family, especially Unity One, who helped me rebuild myself. As well as Kittlen, Coyote and Bryan who have encouraged my growth in Second Life.

 

Meditation
Picture of the old me, shortly after I left [REDACTED]

You Can Be Anything–And That’s OK

Some of this one’s thoughts about its evolution that might be helpful to others.

  1. The past moulds and instructs us, but it should not constrict us or limit us.

  2. Letting go of bad memories and experiences is a major step in our personal growth.

  3. Being able to open up to friends about our feelings. To quote Spider Robinson: “Shared joy is multiplied, shared pain is diminished. Thus do we refute Entropy.”

  4. Take care of your physical well-being. Eat well, exercise when possible, get a good night’s sleep. Make a small change to your routine each day. It adds up over time.

  5. As important as the above however is to take care of your mental health. Depression, anxiety, stress affect more people than you might think. And if allowed to build up they can become debilitating.

  6. Social media can be a great way to stay in touch with friends, but it can also steal your time and attention. Keep it only for close friends, and don’t feel that you need to stay logged in all the time.

  7. Turn off notifications on your computer, phone or tablet. Except for those that you need to see. A mind forever distracted can never be at peace.

  8. Some people thrive on making others feel miserable. Or are demanding your time or energy and giving back nothing in return. Show them the door.

  9. There is no shame in seeking help from others. And there is no honour in struggling and failing on your own.

  10. Take time to observe the world around you. Realise that the news is not all bad. See the beauty and wonder in yourself and others.

  11. Life is not a zero-sum game. Your happiness should not come at the expense of someone else’s misery. We have more in common than we have differences.

  12. Pay it forward. Perform random acts of kindness. It all comes back around, and you’ll be a better person for it.

  13. Less is more. If you don’t use it, get rid of it. Stop trying to keep up with the Joneses.

  14. There is only one Planet Earth, so do your part to look after it.

  15. Your vote matters. Use it. And hold your representative to account.

  16. Your beliefs are personal. They do not and should not be a rod with which to beat others. No excuse, no justification.

One Year Ago Today…

How this one became a slave, and the effect it has had on its life. (Originally written 26th November 2016)

8391 met with Unit E1 (who was still Athena Leistone at that point) at the YMO sim in Second Life.

It had been a tumultuous few months for this one before that meeting. It had suffered depression, stress, burn-out. Plus the pain of ending its relationship with its earlier Master. E1 had reached out to and supported this one during that time. So when She asked it to help her at the YMO sim, it agreed wholeheartedly.

But now E1 was reaching out for not only this one’s service but its mind and body too.

Continue reading “One Year Ago Today…”

I Am

I am many things. I am many parts.

I am the maid that dusts, the drone that patrols, the object on display.

I am the instigator of roleplay, who runs with words and leads a merry kinky dance with anyone who’ll join.

I am the moderator, the welcome, the guide to those who are newcomers.

I am the watchful eyes, the ears that listen for the predators, spammers, trouble makers.

I am the ears filled with music, entranced by sound.

I am the mouth that suckles, the throat that swallows, the ass impaled when Owner chooses to use them.

I am the lust that burns, the heart that beats faster in Owner’s presence.

I am the hand that comforts, the arms that enfold those who are suffering.

I am the stare directed at those who dare to attack the vulnerable.

I am the builder of pixels, vectors, text and code.

I am the mind emptied of fear, anxiety and doubt.

I am the soul that Owner unlocked and freed.

I am all this, and more.

But I am just a number. I am without identity, without a will. I am docile, obedient.

I am 8391.

Welcome!

This one bids you welcome to its new home on the Interwebz. 🙂

It has been a long journey for this one to reach this point, involving a lot of change and growth, and shedding of parts of its original personality.

It is excited to share its adventures with a wider audience than it has to date.

Comments and feedback will be welcomed. Flames will be redirected to /dev/null. Trolls will be vapourised.

Jumps up and down and squees.