Kittlen and I are having a communication breakdown.
Part of that is down to us having less time to spend together in Second Life. She has to work doing deliveries in order to earn enough money to support herself and her kids. I need to work to improve my mental health and move my life forward. I also need regular sleep as part of that. So we’re increasingly only in touch via Discord. And even there, it’s fraught with difficulty. She doesn’t want to dump on me because she knows I find it overwhelming at times. And I don’t really want to distract her when she’s driving.
Then there are the other tensions between us. Her need to be dominated by me, in more ways than I’m able to provide. My exasperation when she responds to my attempts to move her forward with negativity. Her desire to please me, even when I don’t need pleasing. My need to start focussing on healing myself for the first time in years.
I’m writing this because I want Kittlen to know that if I can’t help her in all the ways she’d like, I can at least inspire her to keep going by my achievements. And they’re so many.
- I started doing an extra show on Sundays on Gorean Whip Radio.
- I arranged two Whip shows from Gorean sims, despite not being Gorean, and was accepted and even praised for my music and entertainment.
- I’m working through a six-week course for Dominants over at A Place To Meet in Second Life, learning lots of new things about D/s and being encouraged that I can be my own kind of Dominant.
- I did two shows from the 2019 Second Life Sci-Fi Convention by myself, as well as a joint broadcast with Kittlen.
- I did a 1-hour DJ set at SL16B, and nailed it, despite my nerves and despite it being well past when I normally head to bed.
- I’m forcing myself to brainstorm and work out my life purpose.
Maybe I can’t be sexual with Kittlen. But I can be sensual with her, and comforting, and reassuring.
Maybe I can’t be rough with Kittlen. That just means that I’ll have to find other ways to get her to complete the tasks I set her.
Maybe I can’t heal all of her wounds. But I can work on giving her the courage and perseverance to get those wounds treated.
Maybe I won’t be able to travel to Canada to visit her this year. When I’m in a position to, I will. I promise.
What I won’t do is give up and walk away.