Posting this for Kittlen, because of something we discussed the other day. Names and other details omitted, as I’ve never spoken publicly about this before, and don’t want to expose my identity or that of ‘A’.
She was the founder of the support / mentoring group that I helped manage over on another website, many years ago.
Over time she got to know each other well, and became good friends.
Then her health deteriorated, and she asked me to take over management of the group.
We kept in touch, and gradually realised that we were falling in love.
I was her shoulder to lean on, her ray of sunshine. She was going through painful medical treatment and struggling to pay for all the medication she needed. I helped her out as much as I could. Her ex-husband had abandoned her and her two kids and refused to pay anything towards their education and upbringing.
One night, she got so desperate that she tried to steal some medicine from the pharmacy, but got caught. The pharmacist took pity on her and didn’t press charges. I held her as she sobbed, and forgave her.
We even had cyber-sex one time, if you can call MSN Messenger ‘cyber’ that is. But my wireless cut out before I could climax. 🙁
Her partner knew me but wasn’t aware of just how deep our relationship was. I felt terrible about that.
She shared her life with me, how her two boys were doing, the struggles she faced.
I bought her an iPod Touch as a birthday gift and had it engraved.
Then one day, I got a panicked call from a mutual friend. ‘A’ had stopped posting online a few days earlier, and my friend had trying ringing her. To be told by the partner that ‘A’ had passed away in her sleep. Her body evidently decided to give up the fight.
I was numb for a long time afterwards. I couldn’t believe ‘A’ had gone from my life, and from this world.
There were several online memorials in her honour. I said some words but didn’t reveal how close we had been in her last few years.
The group we were both involved in got mothballed several years ago. I didn’t delete it, as I wanted something left online to show the good that ‘A’ had done for so many people.
I miss you, ‘A’. I hope I’m making you proud now, even if it’s a different kind of mentoring.