Kittlen’s former dom resurfaced last Thursday. Ezee hasn’t been on Second Life or FetLife for months. He made a few brief appearances on Facebook and Twitter, which I know about because both Kittlen and Coyote reported this to me.
Kittlen spotted him on Second Life and contacted him to remind him that he needed to return a load of items that she had lent him, and also vacate one of her groups. She subsequently sent me a transcript of the conversation.
I’d been taking the day off from domming, with Kittlen’s agreement and help, so I had the added annoyance of having to shift gears back into dom mode when she informed me of his presence. I was not in a good mood when I joined a conference chat with her and Ezee, though I managed to keep it civil.
Ezee professed to have turned over a new leaf, and be a reformed character. But his words indicated that he still wasn’t taking responsibility for the harm that he had caused through his abandonment of both Kittlen and Coyote, as well as several other submissives. Instead, we both got treated to a litany of laments about his struggles, and complaints about how horrible we’d been to him.
While both Coyote and Kittlen had cut ties with Ezee (for the most part) in Second Life, there was one area where we still intersected: a long-distance relationship (LDR) group on Fetlife that Ezee owned, and that myself, Kittlen and Coyote had been managing in his absence. Kittlen had put in a request to Fetlife to take over the group several months ago, citing Ezee’s unavailability. At the eleventh hour, Ezee had reappeared, causing the Fetlife caretakers to deny Kittlen’s request, and nearly putting her in the hospital due to heart issues brought on by stress.
Kittlen and I both asked Ezee to let us have the group since we were owners in all but name. Kittlen tried, repeatedly, to explain to him that if his real life were that out of sorts, taking over the group would have freed him from worrying about it. But he dug his heels in and got upset at us. It was his group, and he’d put a lot of time and effort into it in the beginning, blah blah blah. When we pointed out that the alternative was us letting him manage the group and leaving, since we couldn’t work with him anymore, we were accused of giving him an ultimatum, that we were kicking him while he was down, blah blah blah.
Privately, Kittlen let me know that she could feel her heart rate shooting up, and asked permission to take medication for it—I agreed. At this point, my composure started to slip. I pointed out to Ezee that Kittlen was my girl now, and I did not want him interfering with or giving her grief. He claimed that he just wanted to make amends, but I wasn’t buying it. He also said that he wanted to help Coyote to heal, as she had gone wild since being abandoned by him. But we both informed him that that would be a bad idea; Coyote would waste no time in ripping him to shreds. I’m helping Kittlen to calm down Coyote some, and give her means to channel her anger. The last thing we need is Ezee’s ‘help’.
The entire conversation left me feeling, for lack of a better word, drained. It felt like I had repeatedly been banging my head on a brick wall. Kittlen, meanwhile, was scared about Ezee getting back into her head and stealing her away from me. He had successfully gotten her into a trance in the past and placed several triggers, some of which may still be viable. We ended with a truce of sorts, but I just don’t trust him anymore. I’ve seen first-hand the harm he can do to Kittlen, and I do not want her hurt again!
So now I’m working with Kittlen and Coyote to cut all ties between them and Ezee. To be honest, I should have pushed them both to do so a lot sooner. I know that they needed to vent their anger at being abandoned. But it’s hard to get any closure that way, particularly when the other side continues to ignore you.
The only good thing that I can say about Ezee is that he has given me an object example of how not to be dominant. I could also add, I suppose, that his loss is my gain. But in truth, I had been supporting and domming Kittlen, in a gentle way, for months, perhaps a year or more, before she agreed to become mine.
As for the LDR group, the three of us have decided to set up a new LDR group on Fetlife, and leave Ezee to look after his one by himself. A lot of the regulars will follow us over since they know how hard we work to ensure a safe discussion environment.
I’ve no idea if Ezee will ever sort himself out, and I’ve stopped caring. All I know is that I need to save my time and energy for helping Kittlen and Coyote heal from the damage that he wrought. Kittlen, in particular, was unresponsive for several days, and I’m worried that she may be burned out from the stress caused by his return. It has also affected her DJ-ing—she cancelled one set, and was close to getting me to fill for her on two others, but decided “viper is flown from seated position”. I need my girl back, damn it!