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Journal

Changing Direction in 2020

I’ve been thinking about what to do with this blog. It has served various purposes over the last few years. But over the course of this year I’ve undergone a lot of changes, some of my own choosing, others forced upon me. I’m no longer the person (or alien, or gynoid) who started it. So I’m going to take stock over the Christmas period and make changes to how I use this website and what stuff I put here.

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Journal

Avatar Evolution, Continued

Since I last updated this blog, there have been a few changes in Second Life. One has been the release of a new feature into the Second Life Viewer (and now the Firestorm Viewer that I use) called Bakes On Mesh. Yes, I know, not very self-explanatory, especially if you don’t know much about Second Life or other virtual worlds. In a nutshell, it’s a new way of dressing up your avatar, or rather an old way that can now be used with newer mesh-based avatars as well as traditional SL ‘system’ avatars.

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Journal Thoughts

Haters Gonna Hate…

Generally, in both real life and Second Life, I don’t have many haters.

Oh, I’ve had plenty of people that I used to count as friends, but turned out to be merely passing acquaintances at best. Or worse, turned into people that I wanted nothing to do with.

I’m pleased to say that I’ve met a lot of wonderful and inspiring people, some of whom I’ve kept in touch with on-off for several decades. And a few of those have stood by me through some of the roughest times in my life.

A few people dropped off the map entirely, and I sometimes wonder what became of them.

But the haters that I’m aware of can be counted on the fingers of one hand.

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Journal Thoughts

The End Of The Road

I’d hoped that I might be able to salvage my relationship with Kittlen, after writing my previous blog post.

Sadly, if anything the situation between us got worse, not better.

To the point where I decided that the best solution was for us to separate from each other.

I didn’t take this decision lightly, and it was with a heavy heart. But the alternative would have meant both of us eventually hating the other, as well as impacting our mental health.

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Journal Thoughts

Keep Going

Kittlen and I are having a communication breakdown.

Part of that is down to us having less time to spend together in Second Life. She has to work doing deliveries in order to earn enough money to support herself and her kids. I need to work to improve my mental health and move my life forward. I also need regular sleep as part of that. So we’re increasingly only in touch via Discord. And even there, it’s fraught with difficulty. She doesn’t want to dump on me because she knows I find it overwhelming at times. And I don’t really want to distract her when she’s driving.

Then there are the other tensions between us. Her need to be dominated by me, in more ways than I’m able to provide. My exasperation when she responds to my attempts to move her forward with negativity. Her desire to please me, even when I don’t need pleasing. My need to start focussing on healing myself for the first time in years.

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Journal Thoughts

The A-word

I’ve spent the last several days away from both Second Life and Discord, to recharge my mind and body. I had a lot of thinking to do.


I now realise that I’d misread what happened to Kittlen in her Gorean roleplay. And that wasn’t helped by my not being receptive and understanding. I withdrew at the moment when Kittlen needed me most. 🙁

But this is only the most recent example of where I’ve been going wrong in our D/s relationship. Kittlen has been begging me to get into her head via hypnosis, to help her heal from her past traumas. But I’ve held back. Partly out of fear of triggering bad memories, and partly from a lack of confidence in my abilities.

And there is another factor that has been affecting our relationship.

Autism.

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Journal Thoughts

Renewal

One step forward, one step back, it seems, since my last blog post.


The threat of Brexit has receded somewhat for the time being, although I’m not holding out hope of any breakthrough soon in terms of ending this mess. Still, it means that other stories are now the focus of the news programmes.

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Journal Thoughts

Feeling Blue

Apologies for the lengthy silence. Unfortunately, the ongoing flaming-clown-car-crash that is the UK Government and its attempts to foist a rubbish Brexit deal onto an unwilling Parliament (and by extension the British people) has sapped my spirits this month. We should have had a General Election by now, but for their own selfish reasons the Conservatives are clinging to power and refusing to recognise their disfunction.

Categories
Challenge

Second Life Avatar Challenge

The other day, Strawberry Singh, whose blog I read regularly, posted one of her occasional challenges to get people to show off their Second Life avatars. It has been a while since I talked in detail about mine (if you’re interested in reading my previous post on my avatar’s evolution, you can find it here.)

Spiffy relaxing at home in Second Life
Spiffy relaxing at home in Second Life

I took the picture above at my private home. The chair I’m sat in is the appropriately-named Hypno Throne made by Dictatorshop. 🙂

I’m wearing the following:

  • Mesh body—Maitreya Lara
  • Mesh head—GA.EG Barbera 2.0
  • Shape—customised by myself, designed to be androgynous-to-fem
  • Skin—Lumae Eiirtae
  • Spots—Rainbow Cheetah tattoo by Catseye
  • Hair—Kelia by EMO-tion
  • Ears, eyes, antennae, make-up—all from Stargazer Creations
  • Clothing—all from r2 Fashion
Categories
Thoughts

Google’s Digital Dementia

I read a rather depressing post by Bacchus over at ErosBlog the other day.

As if we didn’t have enough problems, there’s a mounting body of evidence that Google now has an attention span somewhat shorter than ten years. After ten years or so, Google forgets things. Or, perhaps, Google just can’t be bothered to index these older web pages, because there’s no money in it.

Bacchus isn’t the first to come across this phenomenon. Tim Bray encountered something similar in 2018, and Marco Fioretti expanded upon Bray’s findings. And a year earlier in 2017, Tony Hirst applied the “dementia” term to it.

Bacchus writes further:

[…] Hirst posits that Google is getting both paranoid (because of SEO and other factors) and forgetful. To Hirst, Google seems rooted in the past, crediting signals of link authority that people are mostly not using these days (publication of links on websites) and not able to properly weight or remember the social media signals that accompany most links modernly. It’s a different problem to be sure from the one that Bray and Fioretti highlighted, but the terminology seems applicable here too.

My observations, from my perspective inside the adult/porn parts of the web, are parallel with Hirst’s. Google’s digital dementia is even more severe with respect to adult URLs, because our #pornocalypse-driven exclusion from so much social media means that our links are automatically absent from so many of Google’s modern page quality signals and ranking algorithms.

Bacchus uses screenshots to show the results of various searches for specific content from his blog from Google, compared to the same searches done in Bing.

I stopped using and relying on Google many years ago, and now use DuckDuckGo for most of my searching online. It seems that I made the right call, but I worry about the long-term implications for the Internet as a whole when Google—and Facebook, Twitter and others—have so much control over what we see and find online.