‘A’

Posting this for Kittlen, because of something we discussed the other day. Names and other details omitted, as I’ve never spoken publicly about this before, and don’t want to expose my identity or that of ‘A’.


She was the founder of the support / mentoring group that I helped manage over on another website, many years ago.

Over time she got to know each other well, and became good friends.

Then her health deteriorated, and she asked me to take over management of the group.

We kept in touch, and gradually realised that we were falling in love.

I was her shoulder to lean on, her ray of sunshine. She was going through painful medical treatment and struggling to pay for all the medication she needed. I helped her out as much as I could. Her ex-husband had abandoned her and her two kids and refused to pay anything towards their education and upbringing.

One night, she got so desperate that she tried to steal some medicine from the pharmacy, but got caught. The pharmacist took pity on her and didn’t press charges. I held her as she sobbed, and forgave her.

We even had cyber-sex one time, if you can call MSN Messenger ‘cyber’ that is. But my wireless cut out before I could climax. 🙁

Her partner knew me but wasn’t aware of just how deep our relationship was. I felt terrible about that.

She shared her life with me, how her two boys were doing, the struggles she faced.

I bought her an iPod Touch as a birthday gift and had it engraved.

Then one day, I got a panicked call from a mutual friend. ‘A’ had stopped posting online a few days earlier, and my friend had trying ringing her. To be told by the partner that ‘A’ had passed away in her sleep. Her body evidently decided to give up the fight.

I was numb for a long time afterwards. I couldn’t believe ‘A’ had gone from my life, and from this world.

There were several online memorials in her honour. I said some words but didn’t reveal how close we had been in her last few years.

The group we were both involved in got mothballed several years ago. I didn’t delete it, as I wanted something left online to show the good that ‘A’ had done for so many people.

I miss you, ‘A’. I hope I’m making you proud now, even if it’s a different kind of mentoring.

Learning From My Mistakes

Being Kittlen’s dominant can feel at times like being on a roller-coaster ride. Kittlen has a lot of emotional and health issues to contend with, which impacts on her moods and behaviour in various ways. On top of that, she has two teenage children and one tween, which can affect her mood. Then there are the body memories, the traumas of her past.

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Trust Exercises

I’ve been discussing with Kittlen about where our relationship is heading. We both care about and have helped each other through various rocky periods over the last few years.

Kittlen brought up the issue of trust, stating that she didn’t feel that my land in Second Life was her land. While I’ve allowed her to add various things, I hadn’t given her permission to move items around my property. And she had allowed me to see where in Second Life she is, but I had not yet given her the similar capacity. I’ve since granted her those abilities, with the proviso that she exercise these powers with care.

In some respect, that decision was a no-brainer. I’ve known Kittlen for over two years now, and feel I can trust her. But it is a big step, particularly for an introverted person like me. Letting someone alter your online world? That is like allowing them to change your dreams and memories.

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Talking Loud and Saying Nothing

Kittlen’s former dom resurfaced last Thursday. Ezee hasn’t been on Second Life or FetLife for months. He made a few brief appearances on Facebook and Twitter, which I know about because both Kittlen and Coyote reported this to me.

Continue reading “Talking Loud and Saying Nothing”

The Kittlen’s Viewpoint

My girl, Kittlen, has given me permission to repost her writing from elsewhere, with annotation. The following quotes are her words, about the events described in my previous blog post, “Learning To Punish a Kittlen”.

Continue reading “The Kittlen’s Viewpoint”

Dollie & Awien – Or How I Became A Dom

I’m sat in the YMO Galleria with Kittlen in my arms, once again.

I still have to pinch myself. Me, a dominant? Yes. I’m still getting used to and learning about this new responsibility, but it isn’t the deep dive I thought it would be.

Continue reading “Dollie & Awien – Or How I Became A Dom”

One Year Ago Today…

How this one became a slave, and the effect it has had on its life. (Originally written 26th November 2016)

8391 met with Unit E1 (who was still Athena Leistone at that point) at the YMO sim in Second Life.

It had been a tumultuous few months for this one before that meeting. It had suffered depression, stress, burn-out. Plus the pain of ending its relationship with its earlier Master. E1 had reached out to and supported this one during that time. So when She asked it to help her at the YMO sim, it agreed wholeheartedly.

But now E1 was reaching out for not only this one’s service but its mind and body too.

Continue reading “One Year Ago Today…”

I Am

I am many things. I am many parts.

I am the maid that dusts, the drone that patrols, the object on display.

I am the instigator of roleplay, who runs with words and leads a merry kinky dance with anyone who’ll join.

I am the moderator, the welcome, the guide to those who are newcomers.

I am the watchful eyes, the ears that listen for the predators, spammers, trouble makers.

I am the ears filled with music, entranced by sound.

I am the mouth that suckles, the throat that swallows, the ass impaled when Owner chooses to use them.

I am the lust that burns, the heart that beats faster in Owner’s presence.

I am the hand that comforts, the arms that enfold those who are suffering.

I am the stare directed at those who dare to attack the vulnerable.

I am the builder of pixels, vectors, text and code.

I am the mind emptied of fear, anxiety and doubt.

I am the soul that Owner unlocked and freed.

I am all this, and more.

But I am just a number. I am without identity, without a will. I am docile, obedient.

I am 8391.