On Being Dominant

I do not claim to be an expert on BDSM. As with most new skills I’ve acquired over the years, I’ve learnt while doing. Unlike those other skills, there is a lot more to ‘learning’ BDSM than doing some Googling.

I am fortunate to have had a good mentor in Unity One, but for the most part, she has let me find my way as a dominant. After several years as Unity’s submissive, I could use that experience to inform how I treat Kittlen. I also had my years spend mentoring others online. As it turned out, I would be needing that a lot! Continue reading “On Being Dominant”

Learning From My Mistakes

Being Kittlen’s dominant can feel at times like being on a roller-coaster ride. Kittlen has a lot of emotional and health issues to contend with, which impacts on her moods and behaviour in various ways. On top of that, she has two teenage children and one tween, which can affect her mood. Then there are the body memories, the traumas of her past.

Continue reading “Learning From My Mistakes”

Trust Exercises

I’ve been discussing with Kittlen about where our relationship is heading. We both care about and have helped each other through various rocky periods over the last few years.

Kittlen brought up the issue of trust, stating that she didn’t feel that my land in Second Life was her land. While I’ve allowed her to add various things, I hadn’t given her permission to move items around my property. And she had allowed me to see where in Second Life she is, but I had not yet given her the similar capacity. I’ve since granted her those abilities, with the proviso that she exercise these powers with care.

In some respect, that decision was a no-brainer. I’ve known Kittlen for over two years now, and feel I can trust her. But it is a big step, particularly for an introverted person like me. Letting someone alter your online world? That is like allowing them to change your dreams and memories.

Continue reading “Trust Exercises”

Yingle Yule!

The year is drawing to a close, and it is time to look back and reflect.

I have changed a lot this year, in self-realisation, growth and achievement. At the start, I was still submissive, but beginning to explore the world of dominance with members of my D/s family. And now, that dominance has grown and matured, with the help of my girl Kittlen. 🙂

Continue reading “Yingle Yule!”

Talking Loud and Saying Nothing

Kittlen’s former dom resurfaced last Thursday. Ezee hasn’t been on Second Life or FetLife for months. He made a few brief appearances on Facebook and Twitter, which I know about because both Kittlen and Coyote reported this to me.

Continue reading “Talking Loud and Saying Nothing”

The Kittlen’s Viewpoint

My girl, Kittlen, has given me permission to repost her writing from elsewhere, with annotation. The following quotes are her words, about the events described in my previous blog post, “Learning To Punish a Kittlen”.

Continue reading “The Kittlen’s Viewpoint”

Learning To Punish A Kittlen

I’d known for a while that my Kittlen has a problem with her Second Life spending. Gachas, in particular, were a weakness of hers. (Gachas are devices that you pay a set amount into to receive one of many possible items. Some common, others rare. If this sounds like a gambling machine, that’s because it is, pretty much.) When you’re capable of going from 7000 Linden Dollars down to 100 in the space of a day, that is a concern. I’d cajoled Kittlen into avoiding gachas, with some success. But she was still doing too much retail therapy for my liking. And she was finding excuses to justify her purchases. Stuff for events, to give as gifts to people, pink items that she’d pass on to me.

It got to a point last Sunday where she’d gone and purchased stuff, yet again, without consulting me first. And I decided that my nudges weren’t working, and it required more drastic action to get her to change her ways. Little did I realise how much it would affect both her and myself.

Continue reading “Learning To Punish A Kittlen”