Drama Llamas

Like regular llamas, but even less pleasant to be around.

Quite a few things have happened since I last blogged, some of them involving unneeded drama.

The first drama unfolded over at Old Guard, the place where I used to DJ and hang out. Except it is no longer called Old Guard.

I had known for a while that there was trouble brewing, even before I handed in my notice there. (Some of the problems are catalogued in this blog post.) And it would appear that both Kittlen and I got away from there before the shit started hitting the fan.

In a nutshell, Cooper’s new girl started getting in people’s faces during events, and complaining to Cooper if she felt slighted in any way. This activity led to Cooper coming down on not just regular guests, but the DJs as well, even Bryan, the OG manager. Then this new girl, whom Cooper didn’t appear to have much control over, decided to redo the entire Old Guard lands. Cue more friction, and more harsh words from Cooper. Eventually, it got to the point of Cooper handing Bryan notice of dismissal, and Coyote promptly followed him out of the door.

Hearing this news filled me with sadness. The Old Guard had been one of only a few places that I’ve been visiting almost since I first entered Second Life. I have met some wonderful people there and had a lot of fun both partying and DJ-ing there. The place had some character to it, which is now, from what I’ve seen, completely lost. I can’t even remember what Cooper renamed it to; it was that forgettable.

From subsequent discussions, I now know that Tajah, Cooper’s former partner whom he abruptly threw out last year, was the real driving force behind Old Guard. With her rejection and departure, the place’s spirit departed with her, and it has been slowly dying ever since. And I suspect that Cooper’s abrasiveness is not a new thing, either. It would perhaps explain why so many DJs came and went over the years.

I pause to remember those whom I lost contact with—Malv, Metz, Aiden, Boyan, Lola, Bathsheba, Calli, Maisie—and hope they are well wherever they ended up. Thankfully, Bryan has rebounded OK, as has Roo (DJ Bunbun) whose set followed mine on a Friday.

I will probably write another blog post at some point with my Old Guard memories.

The business with Old Guard didn’t directly affect me, but the other drama hit a lot closer to home. I don’t want to dig back into the gory details, for the simple reason that it would risk reopening a lot of other folks’ wounds. Suffice to say, the fallout from this drama is still reverberating around Second Life and beyond.

I only have a few things to say about this sorry debacle.

  1. Using someone’s family members to brow-beat them into submission? Not only a dick move but grounds for relinquishing your Basic Human Decency card.
  2. If you’re going to make serious allegations against someone, you had better have substantial evidence to back it up. Chat logs from somewhere else, of conversations between people I don’t even know, whose motivations I don’t trust? Try again.
  3. As Kittlen’s dominant, I can and will defend her against such attacks. Do not even think of trying to anger me. You will regret it.

The person who instigated this drama is no longer my friend. I am saddened but am better off conserving my time and energy to support those who genuinely deserve it.

Thankfully, there has been some good stuff happening, to counteract the drama. There was Fantasy Faire, followed closely by the SL Sci-Fi Expo, both events in Second Life supporting Relay For Life and the American Cancer Society. Both Kittlen and myself were involved in a small way in the latter, as we did several shows on Gorean Whip Radio from there, as part of their sponsorship of the event.

I’ve also had some welcome good news in my real life, with the prospect of more money coming in for my freelance business. This progress gives me a lot of hope that I’m moving forward on that front, rather than feeling like I’m treading water.

I am resolved not to let the drama deflect me from the dual goals of improving my personal and professional situation, and also helping Kittlen grow as an artist and maker and as my submissive.

On Being Dominant

I do not claim to be an expert on BDSM. As with most new skills I’ve acquired over the years, I’ve learnt while doing. Unlike those other skills, there is a lot more to ‘learning’ BDSM than doing some Googling.

I am fortunate to have had a good mentor in Unity One, but for the most part, she has let me find my way as a dominant. After several years as Unity’s submissive, I could use that experience to inform how I treat Kittlen. I also had my years spend mentoring others online. As it turned out, I would be needing that a lot! Continue reading “On Being Dominant”

Learning From My Mistakes

Being Kittlen’s dominant can feel at times like being on a roller-coaster ride. Kittlen has a lot of emotional and health issues to contend with, which impacts on her moods and behaviour in various ways. On top of that, she has two teenage children and one tween, which can affect her mood. Then there are the body memories, the traumas of her past.

Continue reading “Learning From My Mistakes”

Trust Exercises

I’ve been discussing with Kittlen about where our relationship is heading. We both care about and have helped each other through various rocky periods over the last few years.

Kittlen brought up the issue of trust, stating that she didn’t feel that my land in Second Life was her land. While I’ve allowed her to add various things, I hadn’t given her permission to move items around my property. And she had allowed me to see where in Second Life she is, but I had not yet given her the similar capacity. I’ve since granted her those abilities, with the proviso that she exercise these powers with care.

In some respect, that decision was a no-brainer. I’ve known Kittlen for over two years now, and feel I can trust her. But it is a big step, particularly for an introverted person like me. Letting someone alter your online world? That is like allowing them to change your dreams and memories.

Continue reading “Trust Exercises”

Yingle Yule!

The year is drawing to a close, and it is time to look back and reflect.

I have changed a lot this year, in self-realisation, growth and achievement. At the start, I was still submissive, but beginning to explore the world of dominance with members of my D/s family. And now, that dominance has grown and matured, with the help of my girl Kittlen. 🙂

Continue reading “Yingle Yule!”

Talking Loud and Saying Nothing

Kittlen’s former dom resurfaced last Thursday. Ezee hasn’t been on Second Life or FetLife for months. He made a few brief appearances on Facebook and Twitter, which I know about because both Kittlen and Coyote reported this to me.

Continue reading “Talking Loud and Saying Nothing”

The Kittlen’s Viewpoint

My girl, Kittlen, has given me permission to repost her writing from elsewhere, with annotation. The following quotes are her words, about the events described in my previous blog post, “Learning To Punish a Kittlen”.

Continue reading “The Kittlen’s Viewpoint”

Learning To Punish A Kittlen

I’d known for a while that my Kittlen has a problem with her Second Life spending. Gachas, in particular, were a weakness of hers. (Gachas are devices that you pay a set amount into to receive one of many possible items. Some common, others rare. If this sounds like a gambling machine, that’s because it is, pretty much.) When you’re capable of going from 7000 Linden Dollars down to 100 in the space of a day, that is a concern. I’d cajoled Kittlen into avoiding gachas, with some success. But she was still doing too much retail therapy for my liking. And she was finding excuses to justify her purchases. Stuff for events, to give as gifts to people, pink items that she’d pass on to me.

It got to a point last Sunday where she’d gone and purchased stuff, yet again, without consulting me first. And I decided that my nudges weren’t working, and it required more drastic action to get her to change her ways. Little did I realise how much it would affect both her and myself.

Continue reading “Learning To Punish A Kittlen”