Drama Llamas

Like regular llamas, but even less pleasant to be around.

Quite a few things have happened since I last blogged, some of them involving unneeded drama.


The first drama unfolded over at Old Guard, the place where I used to DJ and hang out. Except it is no longer called Old Guard.

I had known for a while that there was trouble brewing, even before I handed in my notice there. (Some of the problems are catalogued in this blog post.) And it would appear that both Kittlen and I got away from there before the shit started hitting the fan.

In a nutshell, Cooper’s new girl started getting in people’s faces during events, and complaining to Cooper if she felt slighted in any way. This activity led to Cooper coming down on not just regular guests, but the DJs as well, even Bryan, the OG manager. Then this new girl, whom Cooper didn’t appear to have much control over, decided to redo the entire Old Guard lands. Cue more friction, and more harsh words from Cooper. Eventually, it got to the point of Cooper handing Bryan notice of dismissal, and Coyote promptly followed him out of the door.

Hearing this news filled me with sadness. The Old Guard had been one of only a few places that I’ve been visiting almost since I first entered Second Life. I have met some wonderful people there and had a lot of fun both partying and DJ-ing there. The place had some character to it, which is now, from what I’ve seen, completely lost. I can’t even remember what Cooper renamed it to; it was that forgettable.

From subsequent discussions, I now know that Tajah, Cooper’s former partner whom he abruptly threw out last year, was the real driving force behind Old Guard. With her rejection and departure, the place’s spirit departed with her, and it has been slowly dying ever since. And I suspect that Cooper’s abrasiveness is not a new thing, either. It would perhaps explain why so many DJs came and went over the years.

I pause to remember those whom I lost contact with—Malv, Metz, Aiden, Boyan, Lola, Bathsheba, Calli, Maisie—and hope they are well wherever they ended up. Thankfully, Bryan has rebounded OK, as has Roo (DJ Bunbun) whose set followed mine on a Friday.

I will probably write another blog post at some point with my Old Guard memories.


The business with Old Guard didn’t directly affect me, but the other drama hit a lot closer to home. I don’t want to dig back into the gory details, for the simple reason that it would risk reopening a lot of other folks’ wounds. Suffice to say, the fallout from this drama is still reverberating around Second Life and beyond.

I only have a few things to say about this sorry debacle.

  1. Using someone’s family members to brow-beat them into submission? Not only a dick move but grounds for relinquishing your Basic Human Decency card.
  2. If you’re going to make serious allegations against someone, you had better have substantial evidence to back it up. Chat logs from somewhere else, of conversations between people I don’t even know, whose motivations I don’t trust? Try again.
  3. As Kittlen’s dominant, I can and will defend her against such attacks. Do not even think of trying to anger me. You will regret it.

The person who instigated this drama is no longer my friend. I am saddened but am better off conserving my time and energy to support those who genuinely deserve it.


Thankfully, there has been some good stuff happening, to counteract the drama. There was Fantasy Faire, followed closely by the SL Sci-Fi Expo, both events in Second Life supporting Relay For Life and the American Cancer Society. Both Kittlen and myself were involved in a small way in the latter, as we did several shows on Gorean Whip Radio from there, as part of their sponsorship of the event.

I’ve also had some welcome good news in my real life, with the prospect of more money coming in for my freelance business. This progress gives me a lot of hope that I’m moving forward on that front, rather than feeling like I’m treading water.

I am resolved not to let the drama deflect me from the dual goals of improving my personal and professional situation, and also helping Kittlen grow as an artist and maker and as my submissive.

Overthinking

[Image Credit: Live Life Happy]

One of the most significant personal problems I have to deal with regularly is my tendency to overthink. My brain can take a small issue, setback or annoyance, and spin it into a nightmare that has me withdrawing into myself, becoming cranky and snappy.

During the last few weeks, I had a lot of stuff hitting me in rapid succession that left me reeling. Some were outside of my control, but a few were self-inflicted. Continue reading “Overthinking”

On Being Dominant

I do not claim to be an expert on BDSM. As with most new skills I’ve acquired over the years, I’ve learnt while doing. Unlike those other skills, there is a lot more to ‘learning’ BDSM than doing some Googling.

I am fortunate to have had a good mentor in Unity One, but for the most part, she has let me find my way as a dominant. After several years as Unity’s submissive, I could use that experience to inform how I treat Kittlen. I also had my years spend mentoring others online. As it turned out, I would be needing that a lot! Continue reading “On Being Dominant”

‘A’

Posting this for Kittlen, because of something we discussed the other day. Names and other details omitted, as I’ve never spoken publicly about this before, and don’t want to expose my identity or that of ‘A’.


She was the founder of the support / mentoring group that I helped manage over on another website, many years ago.

Over time she got to know each other well, and became good friends.

Then her health deteriorated, and she asked me to take over management of the group.

We kept in touch, and gradually realised that we were falling in love.

I was her shoulder to lean on, her ray of sunshine. She was going through painful medical treatment and struggling to pay for all the medication she needed. I helped her out as much as I could. Her ex-husband had abandoned her and her two kids and refused to pay anything towards their education and upbringing.

One night, she got so desperate that she tried to steal some medicine from the pharmacy, but got caught. The pharmacist took pity on her and didn’t press charges. I held her as she sobbed, and forgave her.

We even had cyber-sex one time, if you can call MSN Messenger ‘cyber’ that is. But my wireless cut out before I could climax. 🙁

Her partner knew me but wasn’t aware of just how deep our relationship was. I felt terrible about that.

She shared her life with me, how her two boys were doing, the struggles she faced.

I bought her an iPod Touch as a birthday gift and had it engraved.

Then one day, I got a panicked call from a mutual friend. ‘A’ had stopped posting online a few days earlier, and my friend had trying ringing her. To be told by the partner that ‘A’ had passed away in her sleep. Her body evidently decided to give up the fight.

I was numb for a long time afterwards. I couldn’t believe ‘A’ had gone from my life, and from this world.

There were several online memorials in her honour. I said some words but didn’t reveal how close we had been in her last few years.

The group we were both involved in got mothballed several years ago. I didn’t delete it, as I wanted something left online to show the good that ‘A’ had done for so many people.

I miss you, ‘A’. I hope I’m making you proud now, even if it’s a different kind of mentoring.

Learning From My Mistakes

Being Kittlen’s dominant can feel at times like being on a roller-coaster ride. Kittlen has a lot of emotional and health issues to contend with, which impacts on her moods and behaviour in various ways. On top of that, she has two teenage children and one tween, which can affect her mood. Then there are the body memories, the traumas of her past.

Continue reading “Learning From My Mistakes”

On Being Myself

I remember the first time I talked on-air in Second Life; I was petrified about how people would react. I was still self-conscious about being a biological male with a virtual female body. And my voice is the most significant giveaway that I’m not a girl—definitely a G.I.R.L (Guy In Real Life), but not a girl. I have been broadcasting for a month or so at that point, and being able to play music I liked and share that with other helped my nerves. And my friends at the time weren’t fazed. But it was awkward nevertheless.

Continue reading “On Being Myself”

Onwards and Upwards!

I’m back up and running again, after a week of living off of my smartphone and tablet. Also, my 2011 iMac is still in the repair shop, and I’ve had to resort to buying a new model so I could start working again. (I’m self-employed, and having a working machine plus my data and apps is a must.) Continue reading “Onwards and Upwards!”